"Funny how it's the only shop that wasn't looted..."

...

"I'm sorry madam, but according to the computer your husband was booked in for a...

"Imagine what he would have done if he'd been in Economy Class."

“It’s amazing how they can always get the strikes to run on time.”

Steve Jobs Resigns

"Due to the cuts, I'm going to be the good cop AND the bad cop."

"Our town will be fine. After the recession, we've hardly got any shops left to loot."

"Looking forward to the new series of X-Factor, does not mean I've suffered a moral...

"I only went in to clean the court and I got three years hard labour."

"I know some people don't like it, but the MPs need to be culled."

"This is my special advisor, but between you and me, he's only here for the steak dinner."...

"That's the problem with today's sewers - they're letting anyone in."

"The picture on the TV we looted is brilliant. It feels so real..."

"There's a Mr. Gaddafi on the phone asking for some tips on Hide and Seek..."

"Naive? They're positively green."

Not enough midwifes to deliver babies...

"I'm disgusted with you. You've been rioting all night and all you've come home with is a...

"We accept payment by cash, card and an arm and a leg."

"Take it down, it makes me look stupid."

“I’m beginning to think it wasn’t such great news when my doctor said I’d outlive the NHS...

"If only we could heat the house with his hot air."

"Bearing in mind how he protected the armed forces and the NHS, I think we're in deep...

"My teacher says my test reminds him of Einstein... could do better."

Liam Fox's Career Hangs in the Balance