"If only we could heat the house with his hot air."
"This is my special advisor, but between you and me, he's only here for the steak dinner."...
"My teacher says my test reminds him of Einstein... could do better."
"I'm sorry madam, but according to the computer your husband was booked in for a...
"Bearing in mind how he protected the armed forces and the NHS, I think we're in deep...
"I know some people don't like it, but the MPs need to be culled."
“I’m beginning to think it wasn’t such great news when my doctor said I’d outlive the NHS...
"Due to the cuts, I'm going to be the good cop AND the bad cop."
"There's a Mr. Gaddafi on the phone asking for some tips on Hide and Seek..."
"Imagine what he would have done if he'd been in Economy Class."
"We accept payment by cash, card and an arm and a leg."
"I only went in to clean the court and I got three years hard labour."
"Looking forward to the new series of X-Factor, does not mean I've suffered a moral...
"The picture on the TV we looted is brilliant. It feels so real..."
"Our town will be fine. After the recession, we've hardly got any shops left to loot."
"I'm disgusted with you. You've been rioting all night and all you've come home with is a...